Last word

A downpour had torpedoed the first one.
A pandemic had put paid to the second.
But nothing could stop the third.

Years in the making, forged in the fiery crucible of adversity, the Staff & Fellows v Students cricket match had finally arrived. Readers familiar with the shorter form of the game, or giddy with the narcotic thrill of this summer’s Hundred competition, may already be picturing the scene. Eleven players, strapping, beefy, bronzed, the batsmen larrumping ball after ball to the boundary, the bowlers sending down exocets of such menace and pace that the stumps were melted on impact. It’s actually a pretty accurate description… but of the students’ team, not ours.

The Staff & Fellows XI lost, and we lost heavily.

So heavily that the student captain kindly added a ‘1’ to the scorecard pictured above. Yes, the students batted first and scored 201 in 20 overs; we batted second and scored 72. Come to think of it, we didn’t lose 6 wickets either – I think by the end it was either 13 or 14 (some of our top-order players were invited back to bat again and then were promptly out a second time).

What we lacked in skill, though, we made up for in sledging, unfurling a host of pithy remarks subtly crafted to undermine the overwhelming confidence of our opponents.

chirped one of our fielders devastatingly (though, since we were all spread out around the boundary rope by this point, it’s possible neither of their batsman heard). ‘Setting the foundation, seeing the shine off the ball!’ was the cry of our opening batsmen, as we began our massive run chase by losing early wickets and scoring hardly any runs.

Our bowlers had got off to a pretty good start. Tim ‘Chesty’ Chesters and Jay ‘Lewis’ Carroll, the Clare equivalent of Thommo & Lillee, or Broad & Anderson, cranked up the pace, whistling past the outside edge on several occasions. Ian ‘Buzza’ Burrows then came to the party, finding some lovely flight and dip with his right-arm tweakers. David Chambers kept the batsmen guessing. But it was the Catering Manager’s bowl that got everyone talking. Coming in off a short run, with a gentle action, Lee ‘Corky’ Corke served up a veritable feast of spin bowling, cleverly luring their opening batsman into exhausting himself by hitting so many boundaries. Lee was also responsible for the other highlight of the afternoon: the delicious afternoon tea that we enjoyed between innings, complete with sandwiches, cakes, and strawberries and cream.

Perhaps weighed down by this fine repast, our top order didn’t manage to stay around very long when it was our turn to bat. Chesty was out first ball to a snorter. Buzza was soon cleaned up. Corky clattered a few, but his smouldering wick was all too quickly snuffed out. Heroic resistance was then offered by Andrew Friend (silky, commanding), Bill Harris (surprisingly agile) and Allison Lewis (doughty in defence). But perhaps the most inspiring moment came at the end.

Our umpire for the day, former College President John Robertson, was coaxed into putting on his pads to defend the honour of our foundress.

Robertson proceeded to caress a series of exquisite cover drives, with all the breezy nonchalance of the Man from Del Monte plucking a plum, and ensured that our team’s score rocketed through the 60s.

Given the result, it may sound rather convenient for me to conclude by saying that the score is, ultimately, less important than the spirit in which the game was played. But, on this occasion at least, it’s most certainly true. It’s been a tough year, and the chance to play a team game, on a beautiful day, with wonderful camaraderie throughout, and with joy and fun and food, felt amazing. I’m tremendously grateful to all the staff, Fellows and students who took part.

And who knows? Next year, it might even be close.